Amazing Wooden Tree House

Amazing Wooden Tree House

Shouldn't There Be More

Days like today I look around and wonder if this is all there is. It seems there should be more because if this is all there is, then what is the point? I don't desire any of the things I see others longing for.

Fame. Wealth. Prestige. Power.

They chase after it like dogs. Their tongues lolling about. I sit and watch them and wonder what is so great about this thing called "living" they long to have. You can't take any of it with you when you leave this world so what is the point of it?

What is its true value? I know people think I am crazy. Depressed. Insane. While I may be all of those things, in some ways I think I am more sane, stable, and aware than most people. Yet I don't chase after meaningless things.

Haven is the inspiration for this post. She posted today and she literally pulled the thoughts out of my mind. For hours I have been sitting here trying to figure out if I was dead or alive. Trying to determine if maybe I had fallen into some in between world where I am not alive but haven't yet accepted I have died. I was sitting here watching a movie called The Lovely Bones. If you haven't, then you should. Somewhere in the middle of that movie I thought I wonder if that's what's happened to me. Maybe I just need to let go.

Some days just exhaling seems to make sense. Some days I just want it to be over. Some days I just can't even breathe.

Related Posts : Amazing Tree

Related Posts : Amazing Tree

Truth, Deep Breaths, and Cake

Tomorrow is my son's birthday. He's 16. This could probably explain some of my weirdness lately. June and August are hard months for me. Reminders of things lost. Irreplaceable things. Reminders of hopes and dreams that are nothing more than whispers in the wind. Never knowing if they will ever be more than shadows I glimpse out of the corner of my eyes. June and August are weird times for me. 

I haven't spoken to my children since 2006. To be honest, there have been times where I didn't even try. Too much pain. Too much heartache buried in rejection. Pretending. Ignoring. Less pain in numbness than in feeling. I don't know what his favorite food is anymore. It use to be my lasgna but who knows now. He use to be an amazing futball player. He was a striker but now? 

I wonder if he knows how to drive or if he has plans for his first car. So many thoughts rolling around the darkness of my brain. I stalk my ex (his father) and my ex's wife on facebook. Their status updates always make me laugh at their hypocrisy. I think if people only knew your truth, but I remain silent. Deep breaths. 

I never pulled the rope in the tug of war with my ex. Whenever he put my kids in the middle, I just would let go. I never wanted them to feel they had to choose sides. I never wanted them to feel they could only love one of us. No matter how much I hated my ex I loved my children more so when he tugged I let go. Whoever said take the high road was a fucking moron. I wish I had been a bitch. I wish I had put his ass in jail when he didn't pay child support. I wish lots of things but they are just wishes. Unrealized moments of what if's and should have beens. Deep breaths. 

Then there is my ex roommate. The catalyst in what led me to sending my kids to live with their father. She told me she would help me. She told me she was my friend. That she would be there for me and like the niave idiot I was I believed her bullshit because I was so alone. I wanted a friend. I wanted to believe her lies were different. That this time it would be different and it was. For a moment, but then she was fucking a married man and well you can only fuck married men in so many places. She wanted our one bedroom flat to be that place, but my daughter has a mouth that does not close so she couldn't fuck him if my kids were there. 

They were an interference in her affair. When it comes to fucking married men, promises get forgotten and friendships become burdens. 

She told me I had two weeks to find a new place to live so I phoned up my ex and for the first time in the 8-9 yrs my children had breathed the air on this planet I forced him to take care of them. A part of me knew that I would never see them again. A part of me knew that I was opening an alternative universe that I would never again be able to visit. A part of me knew I was about to step off of the edge of reality. A part of me I have lost somewhere. 

Her affair was the final straw in my crumbling world. A world that was slowly being filled with delusions, insanity, turmoil. A world I allowed to consume me once my children were "safe". For three years I allowed it to consume me. Its embrace was comforting. In its arms I didn't have to feel the emptiness. The pain. I didn't have to BE. 

I gave up hope. Hope of a tomorrow with my children in it. Hope of a day when truth is real and not the fantasy my ex and his wife make it out to be. She was our babysitter. My ex's best friend's daughter. I trusted her. Invited her into my home. Even afterwards. After the lies and the divorce and the torture, I still opened my home to her. 

I taught her about religion. Stupid fucking high road. Don't ever take the high road. Don't ever be the "better" person. It's a dead end street to nowhere and nothing. Because no one remembers the truth. Just their illusions. No one remembers she was our babysitter. No one remembers she broke my home. Ask anyone and I am the evil bitch. I abandoned my children. 

No one remembers the unanswered phone calls. The threats for leaving a message on the machine. No one remembers the letters. No one cares about the years spent homeless. Never knowing if there would be food or a place to sleep the next month. No one cares why. They just care that they are the "good" one. That's all that really matters anyways. Not truth. Exhale. 

What would I do differently? Honestly I don't know. I am the person I am today because of the pain. Because of the difficulties. Without them I don't know who I would be or what or where. I was slowly being sucked into a vortex that I didn't want my children to be a part of . I wanted them to know sunshine, and rainbows. I wanted them to see the flowers and feel the rain on their faces. I didn't want them to know what it felt like to have your breath sucked from your body. 

But somehow I think they know. All of the things I tried so hard to keep from them. They know. So today I wonder if my son is happy. If he is content. I wait for the day when maybe his curiosity will outweigh his hatred. A day when maybe just maybe. That is the day I wait for.

The Most Amazing Tree Houses

The most amazing tree houses

Amazing Treehouses - Ewoks

Amazing Treehouses - Ewoks

Can You See Me Now

To all of those who have "poked" me over the last few days, I so appreciate it. My husband left last Saturday for his trip and since then I have just been "being". Don't ask me what that means because honestly I don't even know. All I know is that I needed some time to breathe so that is what I have been doing. I love you guys and miss you. I have been reading your blogs although in a more stalkerly fashion. I just feel without words at the moment and so I am going with that feeling. 

But I am here, lurking in the shadows. I am certain my words will return. I mean hello I am bipolar so it is inevitable at some point the verbal diarrhea returns but until then am just enjoying the constipation.

Parade Party

Another small town thing we do here in Mabank is "Western Week".  It all revolves around the yearly rodeo, with food, games, bed races, queens to be crowned, and of course the main event the three night rodeo, ending with a dance.  It used to be a street dance, but since building the new pavilion...it has since been held there, with some still preferring the nostalgia  of the street dance.  As a kid,  I wasn't encouraged to attend such a thing, lol.

 Here it comes~!!!!

 Sisters and long~time cowgirls...

Do y'all see Grace Ann?

 Don't you just love have traditions begin?....

 Roni~Roni and Doodles enjoyed it, along with some of my great nieces and nephews!

 Uncle Sam and Besty Ross rode...

A party unplanned is sometimes the best party of all...Many stayed late and played 42.

We happen to live on the parade route!  About 10:00 A. M., I thought what about a parade party!!! And a great tradition was born... with family and friends, especially the new grands. 





Sandwiches, Sundaes, and Chocolate pie following the parade!



Making Memories and Embracing life in a small town...

Yee Haw

Lezlee

P.S.

To all my local blog friends: You are cordially invited to next year's annual parade party!

Save the Date and bring your dominoes!

Beautiful And Amazing Tree

Beautiful and Amazing tree

Amazing Tree Houses.

Amazing Tree Houses.

Amazing Tree Houses

Amazing Tree Houses

Some Treehouses Certailnly

Some treehouses certailnly

Miracles Do Happen

Remember the other day when I told you about the twot stealing my post. Well you won't believe this. Blogger actually did something about it. They removed the post from the asswipe's blog. Although I personally think they should have removed the entire blog, but I won't complain. Much. 

They did more than I thought they would so I guess that's something. Although I will still be keeping an eye on that fuckard's blog just in case they get copy happy again. Except now they will have to at least type my entire posts. I disabled right click on my blog while it's not fullproof it will at least slow the fuckers down. Cuz I know you all are out there plotting to steal my brilliant work here. 

I'm waiting on my nobel prize nominations. I am sure they are already in the mail.

JLS Design - Steel Tree House

JLS Design - Steel Tree House

Standard, An Los Angeles Based Architecture Firm Have Projected A New Standard For Modern Residential Design 'Modern Eco Friendly Tree House' Located Among

Standard, an Los Angeles based architecture firm have projected a new standard for modern residential design 'Modern Eco Friendly Tree House' located among

Mashed Potatoes Between My Toes

I grew up in the south. Not Gone with the Wind south but never the less I have redneck flowing through my veins. I don't remember much about growing up. I don't remember birthday parties or what I wore for Halloween. I don't remember slumber parties or weekends at Gran's. There are many blanks in my past. Sometimes I am grateful and other days I would just like to know. My imagination has a mind of its own and even if it's bad, some days I would just like to know which monster lurks in my darkness. Then I could stop wondering about the millions of possibilities of what might fill those blanks in my memory. 

But even though there are many blanks, some of them are filled with flashes. Flashes of a 5 year old little girl, hair blowing in the wind. Walking behind the mule pulling a plow. She would step as far as her 5 year old feet could reach, then drop a potato in the hole that had been dug for her. After she had dropped it in the hole, she would take her toes and push it down into the earth and giggle about the thought of mashed potatoes between her toes. The earth was cool under her bare feet. She knew no worries other than avoiding any presents left for her by the mule. The sun was warm on her face, it erased the darkness that clouded her soul. For those few moments, she was free. Just a little girl with mashed potatoes between her toes.

Modern Tree Houses From

modern tree houses from

Graduation Party Ideas

Well, my baby of five graduated High School, this May...One of the reasons I've been so busy this Spring.  I didn't throw a party for any of my other kids, but we did go out to eat or commemorate in some fashion. 



Here's a little tour of the party decor...

 Starting at the front Entrance...

Pictures everywhere... 

Jacob, in red and his best friend Josh, in yellow ~ Pre-k!

 Jacob wearing one of Moma's many hats. She is famous for her hat wearing and at one time or another most of her grand kids and great grands  have been photographed wearing one!  She is a great- great grandma.







  Moma picked up this little ceramic shoe at Goodwill, back in March for Jacob's birthday...He loves soccer, played since he was 4, and played for his High School team.  This is a cloche I always leave sitting on the buffet.  It can easily change with the seasons or go with the flow of whatever is going on in our home.

 For Jacob's graduation party,  I enclosed the tickets and program, along with the decorations

 This is a  drink Koosie, cut open, like a book...these were leftovers from a Sr. party us parents threw, just for them, which was so much fun, a great last time together as a class.  If your Sr. doesn't have a party like that planned, you should head one up!

 The overall buffet...a place for cards and more pictures.  I simply laid a frame down across his fav class picture.  The vase with white roses are a touching tradition of our Sr. Assembly, held during the school day for students, family and friends...The entire class file in connected by the silver shiny ribbon and flowers they are holding (on the buffet) and at the end of Sr. Assembly they walk across a wooden play bridge, which many of them climbed on in Kindergarten, and their ribbon is cut, kind of like apron string.  Each student keeping their flowers and a portion of the ribbon.



I really,  wanted to get the stairs finished painted, but procrastination and other legitimate priorities have come first...besides it was  family coming, and they don't mind...and I almost hesitated to show y'all my slowness, but I knew you would understand and be excited when I finally do show you the "after" pics.  Right now every other stair is painted and no risers...but painting isn't always what my life is about. Sometimes it is about a spoonful of this or a glass of that.

 This turned out to be my favorite spot...around from the buffet, tucked into a tiny corner, we have a coat rack.  I dress it up in Jacob's invitation, program, tie, sashes, cap and gown...with a little ribbon and confetti thrown in. Panther Paws and picture of us with Jacob at Baccalaureate.  "Done".









Another tradition we have is doing a silhouette  of every Kindergartener and then again as a Sr.,

                             sadly they have stopped doing the Sr. one.

           I have an overhead projector, wonder if I could get him to sit still a minute, lol.

 We hold graduation over an hour away...and the graduate has to be there so early...the timing was just off and it is so hard for everyone to make it so far, with all the busy lives, add in  tornadoes all around, that night.  Even with all of that, Jacob did have all his immediate      family and then some. 



Next, you step up to the dining room...

Just some ribbon, tissue, napkins, and more pictures...as far as I'm concerned nothing beats photographs!

The table centerpiece...A Panther, of course!

 This next little idea, I got from Lanette.

She is full of them, so check out her blog...

Look at the little rock, "You Rock Jacob".  

When she posted about this,

I thought it was just so very clever.

 

          These little vignette was on my heritage hutch

 Next around the corner from my dining room...We had an icecream Sundae bar set up in my laundry room. It looked really "sweet", with all the toppings showcased, in my milk glass, but I was so busy with the party in full swing, sorry, no pictures.

My huge deep freeze is right under this and that is where the Sundae Bar was set up.  "Cheeky" is his nick-name, so I just put it up on the table with magnetic letters, for a little personal touch.  We also had Chili Dogs with all the works in the kitchen.  To make it flow , the drinks and desserts are  in the laundry room part of my great room.  



After the kitchen, (that I didn't take any pics of) you step down and are full circle, back to my living area...here is another idea I got from Lanette, when she had her own son's graduation party. 





Our French Doors... decided on black paint for them, someday.

We had tables outside, too, since we had 45 guests, but only the really young and the smokers ventured out in this Texas heat.  I double sided the photographs, so there would be one to look at outside, too. I couldn't put them all the way down, 'cause of them grand daughters!  They love Jacob.  They both stand at the bottom of the stairs and just yell his name.

oh, yeah, as I was cleaning for the party, I found my crystal stash, so I added a little to my piano roll shade. It had a little ring just begging for it, also it helps weight it down. 

At the spur of the moment, I decided to have a celebration,  at home the following weekend.  So, these are some of my ideas, besides napkins, picked up last year for hardly anything, I don't think I purchased much to decorate with, maybe a few dollars spent at Goodwill and such.  Mostly, I just walk around and decided where to add some party!  Paying attention to the flow of 45 people and it turned out great!

 





Hopefully, if you have a party, in your future,  some of these ideas, will come in handy, too.  We don't have to spend lots of money for meaningful decorations, just use what you got, especially personal items, and let your imagination grow!





done graduated



Lezlee