Riddle Me This

(This was a draft I found in my drafts folder. I wrote it back in March. Just found it today thought I would hit publish so I did. Suck on it)

One of the hardest things for me is being misunderstood. I am not sure if I am different because of bipolar or if I have bipolar because I am different. Either way, I am different. However I am content in my difference. I would be happy in my difference if other people would accept that I am fine without being like them. I don't need to wear the latest name brand. Forget wear it. I don't even know it. I don't need to be bought things on "days". Forget bought things, I don't even remember what "day" it is. Just because I don't remember the day doesn't mean I don't love them. It just means I don't think love is contained within a "day".

It's funny to me how people are told to "be themselves", but when I am myself, people seem to get offended. Why is this my problem? You told me to "be myself", but people don't really want that. They want cookie cutter happiness. They think only their happiness is real happiness and unless I act just like them then I cannot possibly be "happy". So I do what they want and pretend, but then I am not really happy, and my insincerity shows. Then people get upset with me because I am not being sincere but instead being fake.

I don't understand what it is people want. I don't understand why it is that I am the crazy one when it is them who can't make up their fucking minds about what they want me to do. Which is why I don't give a furry rat's ass what they think and just do what I want instead. Of course that could explain why I have so few friends. I don't need to smile like the Joker to be happy. Did you ever see Batman smile? No. So why in hell do you people want me to be the Joker when I so obviously have perfected the Batman no smile?

While I would like to think their concern is out of care and love for me, it really isn't. It's their own selfishness that causes them to want me to be "happy". They don't care if I am truly sincerely happy. They just want the appearance of their definition of happiness so they feel better. So they can have their own little make believe Gotham.Except Gotham doesn't work like that and neither do I.

It really is possible to be happy without owning heels or makeup or jewellry or insert other girly thing here. So just let me be.